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  • Pastor Marie

First Attempt at Blogging... See what you think.

The Holidays are special because they bond mankind over many shared experiences unique to the season. One I would like to hi-lite is the shared commonality of the “Superstore Shopping Experience!”

All Americans know that every holiday begins with a trip to this establishment!

The experience is especially heightened if you go after a full work day with extreme hunger and a headache, after all you don’t want to “miss the full effect”!

What do you need to know if it’s your first time?

1. All carts have wheels but 99% of them are for decoration only!

2. You will receive at a minimum a full upper body workout, depending on the cart you choose and how much you will put in it you can experience a full core and lower body workout also! (Thus saving you a trip to the gym for the entire next week! you will need the time to recover anyway.)

3. If you fill your cart all the way up and hang things over the sides you can then interact with every person in the store by saying; pardon me, excuse me, I’m so sorry and many other polite phrases repeatedly as you wrestle your cart like a WWF pro to avoid knocking into them and the many decorative displays, inciting fierce glares and looks of disgust from the other shoppers, (this activity alone will burn you 500 extra calories!)

A. Lift the items from the shelves and place into cart

B. Lift the items from the cart and place on conveyor belt

C. Lift the items from the baggage area and place back in your cart

D. Push the 500 lb cart back to your car one mile away, (after you find it of course, so that first mile walking in circles doesn’t count)

E. Lift the items once again from the cart into your car F. Drive home and lift the items from your car and carry into house and lift onto counter (You will not have the full experience on this part if it is not raining so be sure to schedule the trip only when raining!)

G. Lift the items from bags on counters and place around home where they go. (Again this is best enjoyed by those with stairs!) You have now burned a total of at least 2000 calories and worked every muscle group! Next time bring your own band aids (it’s cheaper) from home for the palms of your hands, the balls of your feet, and if you did not think thru your footwear, the heels of your feet, which at this time are not only aching but blistered!

There remains one dilemma I am still undecided about:

Should I have eaten the big mac meal with the supersized fries on my way to the experience for strength, or should I simply wait for on the way home to comfort myself and of course because no human alive could possibly be expected to cook anything that night or the next?!

Here's a Tip:

Put on your comfy pj’s, your fuzzy slippers, go online to see what else will deliver and whisper two of the most beautiful little words your ears will ever hear… free shipping!

May all your holiday shopping experiences be merry and bright and may all your “workouts” be light!

Love, P.M.


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